Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
