Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
