after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
