One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
