I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
