I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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