Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
