i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
