nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
