i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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