im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
