my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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