I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
