We need to rekindle our bromance
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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