i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
