Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
