In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
