I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
