There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
