38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
