Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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