He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
