He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I need moral support for this bender
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
