you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A+ Viking dick
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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