Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Enjoy the penises
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
