totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
