The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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