If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
