He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
