Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
