he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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