I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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