Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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