Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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