I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
