K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
