69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
