She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
