TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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