I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
