i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
