'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
