I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
