Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
