ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
