i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
