i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
