I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
