Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
