Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
