I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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